I wish I was A Bird
by kathrynlovejoy
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy was the boy who judged her. He insulted her many-a-times and broke her down to tears. But then he held her waist; he held her hand. He was there every waking moment. Amidst lust and confusion Rose struggles to be who she really is.
1. When we were young

**Disclaimer:** I own anything you don't recognize, the prologue and the plot. And to let you know, this is based on my own life so it's personal. Hope you enjoy it. The prologue is actually a page out of my diary but it's not written as a diary- and i've tweaked things a bit to sound different.

* * *

_There's a possibility,  
__All that I had  
__Was all I gon' get,  
__There's a possibility,  
__There's a possibility,  
__All I gon' get is gon' be yours then  
__All I gon' get is gon'be yours still  
__- Lykke Li, Possibility

* * *

_

_I wish I was a bird. I wish I was a bird so I could fly out of my misery. Birds don't have to worry about family; they can do what they please. I wish I could fly, high off a cliff, to dive towards the ocean and feel the flecks of water brush against my wings._

_Birds don't have feelings. They don't have to feel that gut wrenching feeling when their best friends rush to them to to tell them the person you liked so much, was in love with someone else- a friend; a gorgeous, skinny and funny girl at that. They don't have to feel the confusion when they don't understand their feelings. And then when another friend comes along and makes you feel happy… explain that._

_The one friend who always makes you smile; the one friend who had no idea the pain you felt that day, but within 10 minutes had you forgetting about that disastrous day._

_Don't you hate when you see everyone around you smiling, holding hands and all you can do is think '_I want that'_?_

_Now I'm lying here, hoping_, wish_ing, I could be giver a sign and yet there isn't one. Where is my best friend right now?

* * *

_

The white mist spread all around, closing in, hovering. If one was to stand on a high mountain, one would think of the hazy white smoke that covered the noisy, wet platform. This mist however, didn't smell like clean and fresh as clouds did, but of smoke and haze. It smelt like the factories- the place his son was being carted off to to learn. One big factory.

Draco Malfoy stood tall and proud, much like his own father had seven years running while he attended school; while his father forced hell upon him to save his own life. He wore a black button down coat, his wife wore a black, skin tight dress and his son wore his School robes. They stood huddled together, beneath Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy's umbrella, Draco's hand on his son's shoulder, and his other arm wrapped tightly around his wife he met twelve years before, in the smoke-filled parlor at Gregory Goyle's two bedroom flat in Brixton.

Scorpius Malfoy however, saw clean and fresh when he looked upon the white smoke around him. The boy looked up to watch his father's expression and his father looked down and smiled a tight smile, squeezing his shoulder tightly.

"Scorpius, I am going to tell you something, something my father never told me, something no Slytherin has ever told their son- Power does not matter. You hear me? Love and Happiness is _everything_. " He bowed down to look his son in the eye, turning the boy roughly to face him. "Slytherin is not a house of power. It is a dark house, a scary house. It may hurt to believe it but you shall not become one- understand?"

"Draco!"

"I could never live with myself if he turned out like me or my father. When you put that dirty old hat on your head, you tell it you refuse to be Slytherin- you hear me?"

Scorpius stood staring at his father. He slowly nodded, disbelieving how his father could betray his house in such a way. All he could think was bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. "What house should I want then Dad?"

"Whichever one Rose Weasley is sorted into," smiled Astoria. "Their family would be so loving!"

Draco smiled at his wife, but the corner of his mouth twitched. He shook his head, "You should get on the…"

Draco stopped speaking. Twenty metres down the platform a close family stood huddled together in view through the white mist. Bowing his head slowly he turned his family around. "See that family Scorpius? The one with Harry Potter there? See the red-haired man? The girl in the robes with the same bright hair? That, dear Score, is Rose. Rose Weasley.

"Treat her how you wish, but I want you to know, their family may disrespect you, for the past. Don't live to their expectations. Now up you get, on the train now."

He lifted his son's trunk swiftly onto the threshold of the door; his hands snaked back around his love when he was done.

"I'll write often!" Astoria called to her son who waved to his parents and began to lug his trunk up the narrow looking corridor that was enhanced by magic to be quite wide, looking for a place to read his _History Of Magic_ text book.

* * *

"So that's little Scorpius," said Ron under his breath. Make sure you beat his in every test, Rosie. Thank god you inherited your mother's brains."

"Ron, for heaven's sake," said Hermione, half-stern, half-amused. "Don't try to turn them against each other before they've even started school!"

"You're right, sorry," said Ron, but unable to help himself he added, "Don't get _too_ friendly with him, though, Rosie. Granddad Weasley would never forgive you if you married a pure-blood."

Rose peered through her dark lashed eyes at the platinum haired boy who bared a high resemblance to his father, as her cousin Albus did to his father. She watched as the boy talked closely to his father; admired the way he looked at her and caught her looking, quickly adverting his gaze.

She knew immediately that she wanted_ him_ to be her best friend. She wanted _him_ to know every detail about her and to know what _she_ was going to say before the words left her mouth. She wanted to wake up Christmas morning to opening her ten or so presents with him, and to watch his amused expression at they guessed the flavor of a Bertie Bots every flavor been before tasting it.

Sooner than expected she was hanging out the train with Albus, her mother, father, aunt and uncle walking with the train to the end of the platform and stopping; her little brother and cousin were waving and cheering for the excitement of their elder cousins.

* * *

Standing huddled before the whole school waiting to be sorted was one of the most nervous experiences of his life. If it was possible, his hair would have turned whiter with the stress. He barely paid attention to his peers, except to the first letter of their surname; they passed the H's, I's, Jay's and Kay's, and before he knew it 'Lamington, Amelia' was sorted into Hufflepuff.

All he thought when he walked up to the filthy material was what his father instructed. The hat needed only three seconds to decide Scoprius belonged in Gryffindor and again he was walking to the shocked house on the right of the hall.

The table was a magnificent oak wood and had three hundred gold plate waiting to be filled with food. Across from him sat a very pretty blonde girl with a prefects badge pinned to her front, and beside her was an older blonde haired girl with a head girl badge attached to her robes. The girls both smiled kindly but the boy with beside them just looked him up and down and twisted to watch the front.

"Oh, Albus is being sorted soon, look there he goes," said the girl with the prefects badge. When the hat opened and called 'Gryffindor' the whole room seemed to explode into applause; the three sitting infront of him jumped up into the air and stood on their seats as the infamous Harry Potter's second son walked to the house of red and gold. He was red in the face and slid into the seat next to Scorpius, vaguely nodding to them all, a small smile on his face.

"Good job Al, knew you could do it," his brother beamed, reaching across the table to mess up his hair. "It's a shame, Slytherin could've used you."

Scorpius remained quiet while the family applauded the other students as they were sorted into their houses. Soon only two people were left to be sorted: Rose Weasley and a dark-skinned boy. Rose was called up and she sat on the stool, her eyes covered. She also seemed to talk to the hat as Scorpius had; oh how he wondered what it would be like to talk to Rose, to smell her.

* * *

Rose Weasley lay in her four-poster bed after being shown by her cousin Dominique her room in Gryffindor tower. She lay there with two other snoring girls- Juliette Macmillan and Alice Longbottom. Alice was a sweet but shy girl with mouse brown hair that fell to her bottom in waves. She had piercing grey eyes alike her mother's. She and Rose had grown up together; Alice lived in the Leaky Cauldron that was no longer a place to stay only if you had to, but a clean happy place that you wanted to stay in. They had expanded the pub into a café and when little Amelia was born they moved to an apartment house a couple blocks away. Her father taught Herbology and was not an unattractive man that he used to be.

Yes, Alice and Rose would be best friends.

How she wished her and Scorpius could have been. Scorpius made friends with Albus though. She smiled at the thought of the three of them running around Hogwarts.

Turning over in her ever-so-soft bed, Rose thought and thought about the day. Soon her snores filled the room also, sounding like the sea outside shell cottage, waves rolling against the shore…

**A/N** hmm, well the ending of this chapter sucks, I know! I need to set the base of the story first, introduce characters and settings. But note the next chapter will be five years later (so they are my own age).


	2. Rainy days, cloudy emotions

"I don't understand what you want from me," Rose cried, her tears mixing with the rain sodden on her face.

"Neither do I; when I went to Southport… I don't know how to explain myself, okay?" the blonde paused to look over the lake from the hill, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. "One day, you and me are dancing on the lake cruise, next I'm on a train to learn about things, and then I am being told I'll be kicked in the balls by half of our year if I didn't ask Rebecca out by the following afternoon."

"So, you were pressured?" Rose's eyes light at the thought- a secret romance.

"Rose, I really like Bec, but I also like you. Bec can tell too, that why she's been awful to you."

Rose sighed and removed her newly prescribed glasses, wiping them free of her beloved rain. "It's not only because all you do is stare at me, it's because I used to talk about us to her."

Lorcan took a step closer to Rose. His eyes were… so very much like the girls in front of him.

"It's fine. I'll live; Lots of fish in the sea. But understand this; I don't want to know you anymore," she said, her chin quivering, whether from sadness or the cold, she had no idea. "Goodbye."

When she looked back to the hill he was still there, his white blonde hair sticking in all directions, his hands in his black hoodie, and his black shoes inches in thick mud. The difference now from when she first left him on the hill only noticeable now the rain stopped. Tears, not raindrops fell from his chin.

The rain still fell as Rose clutched her journal late that night by the fire. Her journal was a leather tied black book that was worn. She was given it by her mother who charmed it; the ink was invisible to anyone excluding the few who write in it and was only visible if the writer has not finished their entry by concluding their passage with the first letter of their name.

So as the fire flickered, Rose Weasley perched in the red armchair and wrote a poem.

_How heavy fell the rain that day  
from burdened clouds of mournful grey.  
The torrent forced them stay their height -  
Composure swayed by onerous might._

My skin wrung wet with icy chill  
as mud embraced that sodden hill.  
But mind of mine had elsewhere gone -  
'Twas clouds abandoned I was on.

The driving drops advanced their gears  
to camouflage my sneaking tears -  
Whence now did swell such floods of pain  
to see me melt into this rain…

On equal bearing now were we:  
This rain; myself, in harmony

"What are you doing?" Scorpius Malfoy slinked his way over to Rose.

Rose smiled. Every girl in Hogwarts was in love with Scorpius Malfoy. She'd yet to be caught with the bug. Scorpius was very attractive. He had sandy blonde hair, dark blue eyes and average athletic build. The look drew you in, the charm kept you there. "I'm not doing anything."

He watched as she tied her book and shoved it down the side of the chair. "As a prefect I shall have to confiscate this artefact."

Rose scoffed. "You can't confiscate something from a prefect."

"Watch me," he smirked. Rose jumped up slowly pulling her wand from her back jeans pocket. She giggled at his smile and then he waved her wand and she was laughing, uncontrollably, rolling and twisting. In two strides Scorpius had her book and had it untied. The first twenty or so pages were blank, but halfway through he came across her unsigned poem.

He reread it as the effects of his spell wore off; he sat on the couch opposite the armchair. Rose sat cross-legged upon the carpet, her face as red as her hair.

He looked at her, sitting on the floor. "This is really good."

"It _was _private. I just… wrote about the weather," she improvised. "Look Scorp, I have had a really long day. I am going to go to bed. See you."

In two minutes Rose had her journal back under her mattress and her track pants on, as she watched from her window sill the trees in the forest sway with the wind.

"Pogrebins. Found in Russia, follow people around. Your job," said the Professor as she walked around the seven wooden crates, her hands clasped behind her back. "Is to ensure you remain happy. These creatures try to make feel hopelessness, the cure? Let's hope you figure that out. Groups of five."

The hustle and bustle of the class was chaotic as friends huddled together in hopes to maintain they stayed together. There was grabbing and pushing and yelling- the creatures in the crates started to screech.

"Okay! That is it, I am splitting you up. Group into your individual houses, come on chop chop," Lucy Mesatonic cried as she organized her class. She went through each house and numbered off counting the ten students from the given house. Some students shrunk away from the scarred and burnt hand while others stood still with their eyes closed. "Okay now that you're all numbered, get into a group with people who have the same number. Come on, we don't have all lesson to waste."

There were groans from all around as students grudgingly picked their feet up and called out for others with the same number. Typical as it was, luck was bestowed upon neither Rose nor Scorpius; Rose had Lorcan while Scorpius had Patricia Parkinson. By looking around it became obvious- the Gryffindor mainly directed thoughts to the Hufflepuffs, and the Slytherins to Ravenclaws.

"Alright, now get to work. Think of things such as charms, spells and quick-making potions. I want four different, working remedies by this coming Monday. Groups one and three share, as do eight and nine."

Rose turned to face her not-so-happy group. Lorcan (who stood looking at the crate), Emily Bones (Hufflepuff; she's a ditsy girl Rose was on friendly terms with) and Scott Zambini completed her group. "Okay, if we want to get an E on this at least, we need to work as a team. Have you lot got any happy suggestions?"

"Yeah," Scott grunted. A wicked smile crossed his face. "If we were to never leave your side Rose, that's all the happiness I could use. Care to play with my wand, Weasley?"

Rose side glanced at Lorcan, he was now giving Zambini the death glare. "So you suggest never being alone?"

Zambini smiled sickly. "I'll suggest anything you want me to baby."

He took a step towards Rose, ignoring Lorcan and Emily. Rose just stood there, feeling queasy and praying another group would notice the interaction.

Scott slowly raised his hand to rest it on Rose's shaking shoulder. It ws inches away from touching her but it never did. In less than ten seconds Scott was raised in the air by his ankles, clutching his throat, trying to scream.

"Put him down, Lorcan," Rose said. "He was just being a git."

Lorcan looked at Rose with confusion. "I'm not doing anything."

She looked around the field; the professor was over with Albus' group and no other group seemed to have noticed. She turned back to the thrashing body in the air. With a thump he landed on his head, knocking himself out.

The group stood there confused, forgetting their assignment. "Who did that?" Rose asked. "Who did that?"

Rose glared at Lorcan. "We agreed not to be friends, remember? Why would I save you?"

"I didn't agree not to be friends. You did when you chose her!" Rose whispered fiercely under her breath. "I'm just this poor hopeless Weasley that isn't good enough for anyone!"

"Emily, did you do that?" Lorcan ignored Rose's theatrics. She just shook her head, overcome with shyness. "Well I say we continue with this project, say he was overcome with hopelessness and forget it. Clearly someone charmed him to speechlessness, and hung him in the air and you should thank them later. But for now, wake him up and do your job _Weasley_."

"Fine!" Rose turned, opened the crate and took the grey ball out. She dropped it on Zambini's head and then squirted water at it.

Scott jumped into the air soaking wet, his brown hair flooping in his eyes.

"Water isn't a remedy then," was all she said before turning on her heel and walking away to the sound of the bell.

A/N yeah, long update. Shit writing. I'll get back into the rhythm hopefully. Review me some ideas. And sorry it's so short. Happy holidays!


	3. Malfoy versus quidditch

"Rose!" Albus' voice called once again.

Rose watched from the gap between the door and frame as her brunette cousin speed-walked down the corridor past her hiding space. She stayed hidden for a minute after she no longer heard his footsteps and then she ran down the corridor the opposite way.

One step after the other was all Rose thought as she ran to her unknown destination. She didn't even think about the previous lessons objective because that brought on questions, and questions were bad. _Running, think of running; forget direction Rose, forget where you're go-_

Smack.

"Ouch," Rose whimpered. She now lay on the ice cold marble, her hair a right orange mane around her head.

"Making love to the armour, Weasley?" spoke a voice to the left; it sounded like velvet, the kind that gave you goose bumps.

Rose closed her eyes and tried to count to ten but he spoke before she reached five. "Has lying on the ground become a habit of yours?"

She opened her eyes and saw him. Scorpius Malfoy in all his glory. His blonde hair was tussled, his tie loosened and his shirt untucked. And on his face he wore his smirk, copyrighted to the Malfoy family. He had the look nailed, all the way down to the way his blue eyes looked over her body in a way that mocked her.

"What do you want?" she sighed moving into a sitting position.

He knelt down next to her and smirked, yet again. "Potter sent me looking for you, both did actually. Quidditch practise is on now and James said if you didn't show up to talk tactics for the team you would be chucked out of the common room to sleep on the moving staircases. Albus wanted me to find you to '_see if you're okay_'."

"I'm fine," she grumbled, ignoring Scorpius' helping hand and standing up very ungracefully. "Lets go to the pitch."

* * *

"Anita!" Rose called from the middle of the bright green pitch. "Lean over your broom more so you fly faster!"

From the ground Rose saw her shrug and lean over, zooming quicker through the air. Rose watched all the players, nearly every quidditch practise. She loved flying, she knew how it worked, how to manipulate it in the exact way to do certain moves. She loved it so much, she could never be bound to it to do it as a sport; or as a competion. She loved how free she felt, how the wind blew in her frizzy hair. She was forced to come to practises by James; he made her study his players so that they could work to the best of their ability- Rose has been doing this since third year, first for Teddy and then for James.

"Hey Rose! What can I improve?"

She could almost hear the smirk in his voice. Would he never stop bugging her? She turned on the spot to look at him with a Quaffle under his arm. "You're fine, Scorpius."

He dropped the Quaffle and zoomed over to her, jumping off his broom and running to her when he was twenty metres away he looked dumbfounded. "Did you just say I am ruggedly handsome?"

Rose glared at him. "You know what I said."

He cupped a hand to his ear. "I'm sorry I didn't her you, say that again?"

She crossed her arms. "I said… Hey James!"

Scorpius' smile faltered. "Scorpius, leave Posie alone and shoot some hoops. Rose, watch the players please? I can't afford to have my team distracted with the Slytherin game approaching."

Rose sighed and turned away to watch Albus swing at the bludgers. James flew next to her and bobbed up and down. The way he looked like Albus was uncanny; they both had the same shade of brown hair, same skin colour and they both had their uncles' lanky builds (inherited from Ginny).

"I herd you skipped out on class today." He looked over at Rose to see her clench her fists and jaw. "You cannot afford to do something like that Rose."

"Yes, I can. I am top of my class and I am already doing three months work ahead of now. And before you ask, there's nothing to talk about."

He looked at her for a couple seconds before flying off into the pinking cloudy sky. Rose watched him study his players like she did; she knew that Gryffindor were going to win.

* * *

"Hey, Al? Can I ask you something?" Scorpius asked rolling over in his bed to face Albus'. In response he was given a groan. Knowing that Albus wouldn't remember this conisation in the morning he dared to ask the unimaginable. "Does Rose talk about me to you?"

"Sometimes," Albus mumbled in reply.

Scorpius smiled. He knew he was behaving like a love struck girl but he couldn't help it. "Would you still be my friend if Rose and I became friends?"

Albus snorted. "If I live to see the day, then maybe."

Scorpius heard his best friend roll over and soon his heavy snores filled the rom.

Scorpius lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. He didn't know what he wanted any more. Three out of four of his thoughts revolved around Rose, whether it was about how good she looked, what class he had next with her or the best way to humiliate her so she'd get angry at him. He didn't know anything anymore.

* * *

The wind was so strong; the trees stood horizontally as Lily Potter and Hugo Weasley tramped down to the quidditch pitch, scarves wrapped tightly around their necks. Weeks had turned into days as the Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor game finally arrived. James had has his team in bed by nine the following night under strict orders that they shall not fall asleep during today's morning warm-up before the game.

The thick stream of people strolling down towards the stands was the least of Lily's worries; most of her thoughts were directed to the safety of the players whom happen to fly fifty to seventy-five metres above the ground. Also, the fact that the team was made of more than half her family didn't seem to help.

"I hope no one gets hurt!" Lily called to Hugo over the sounds of the wind and others wishing to see the game.

Hugo just gave lily this look and continued to walk to the stand, his red head bowed to the wind. He shook his head and in a matter of two minutes the two had be pushed to the stands and began climbing the hundred or so steps to the top of the bleachers. Across the pitch from them sat Rose, also wrapped up warmly, a large microphone in front of her.

"And out comes the Ravenclaw team! Leading them we have Ying Chang, their ruggedly handsome captain, followed closely by their chasers Fiona Davies, Sam Carmichael and Ryan Turpin. Next we have Lorcan and Lysander Lovegood, beaters. Seeker Harriet Whitfordshire; Keeper captain Chang.

"Competion seems strong today; all players having skill above those of their house. Let's just hope they can manage to control their Firebolts 2020, kindly donated to every house team by George Weasley, owner of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, number ninety-three, Diagon alley-" here she was cut off by Professor McGonagall who whispered something in her ear. "Ahh yes, Professor McGonagall has asked me to remind you these products are strictly forbidden at Hogwarts."

Lily looked down at the pitch below her. She smiled as she watched her brother James lead his team out onto the field; she could see them shivering from here, to which she frowned. Rose picked up her commentary:

"And out comes Gryffindor! Their very _single_ captain [also seeker for Gryffindor team] James Potter leads," She paused to wait for the cheering and whistling to die down. "followed by keeper Scorpius Malfoy, Chasers Jeanette Wood, Joel Jordan and Albus Potter and Beaters Roxanne and Fred Weasley, a mighty team at that!"

Lily watched as cheers roared all around, colours of Blue, Red and Yellow merging into purples, greens and oranges.

"Lily, are you okay?" Hugo seemed to notice Lily's paling face and dizzying eyes. She just nodded and directed her blurred vision to the pitch where Madam Bushtail was ordering the teams into lines. She watched as the woman blew her whistle and the teams mounted their brooms. She watched as the woman blew her whistle and flickered wand allowing the game to start.

Lily Potter listened as Rose's voice boomed around saying surnames or nicknames as the Quaffle was tossed between players. She listened as Rose's noises became mumbles; she listened as cheers and shouts of profanities became whispers.

All she remembered was looking at Hugo soundlessly, then to Rose, hearing nothing. All she remembered feeling was the heavy padding of Hugo's jumpers as her heard came to a rest on his shoulder. All she remembered was the confusion and darkness that was Hugo's face as he watched Lily Potter faint as she sat on the top of the multicoloured stands listening and watching the sounds of life that was the Ravenclaw verse Gryffindor match, first game of the season.

**A/N **not such a long wait, seeing as I am on holidays hey? tell me your thoughts, no news is bad news in my eyes.


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